


Whatever Will Be

by NanakiBH



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, Spoilers, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 21:31:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17968439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: Once I tell you the words I've been unable to say, it will be goodbye.





	Whatever Will Be

**Author's Note:**

> ***CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR KH3***
> 
> During my second playthrough of KH3, I came to a realization... I could be totally wrong, but it was interesting to think about nonetheless, but- When we see Xehanort and Eraqus playing a new game in the post-credits, what if that took place after Young Xehanort returned to his time like he said he would? What if he retained some of his memories?
> 
> So, I wrote something based on that idea. I had to bend my brain a little. Time travel is confusing. lol

“You always wake up with this big smile on your face,” Eraqus said, observing him from the other corner of the windowsill.

Xehanort lifted a hand, touched his fingertips to his lips to confirm that the smile was really still there. It faltered imperceptibly before widening into a smile he really felt.

“That's because it's today again.”

Thank goodness, he thought, his heart flooding with many conflicting feelings.

It was the same day, once again. Every time, he returned to the start, back to the point in time from which he'd been spirited away to the future. Lifetimes occurred before his eyes and he watched all of them with the same sense of foreboding, devoured them with the same amount of disappointment.

From the perspective of Eraqus, it probably seemed like he'd only been spacing out for a second or two. In between that infinitesimally small amount of time, Xehanort had been somewhere else. Through the repetition of those seconds, Eraqus had learned when it was appropriate to say 'welcome back'.

 

“Sorry,” Xehanort said.

 

Eraqus was so wonderful.

He deserved a kinder destiny.

 

“Hm? What're you talking about?” Eraqus said, laughing softly. “You haven't done anything wrong.”

He was just saying that. That was the kind of person he was.

Xehanort couldn't be sure if Eraqus truly believed that they had a chance to change their destinies or if he was just trying to make him feel better. Unfortunately, Xehanort knew that there were no sweet words that could stop the flow of time from warping him into who it wanted him to be.

He didn't want to become that old man...

He didn't want to see another future in which Eraqus was missing.

From the moment he returned to his time, he was always looking forward to the next time he would return to that moment. For as much as he also dreaded it, that moment was the only flawless time in his life. He didn't want to go on living his life knowing that the brilliant smile that motivated him would inevitably disappear from his heart and be forgotten until the final hour. That wasn't what Eraqus deserved.

But Eraqus took it all in stride. Sometimes, he pretended like he wasn't aware, as if their destinies weren't entwined, as if they weren't part of the same cruel loop.

Xehanort wished that he could change things.

Of course that was what he wished for...

But it didn't really matter. Even if he told Eraqus everything he knew, the conclusion was always the same. That was what the future told him. Knowing didn't make a difference.

“Eraqus...”

Gently, Eraqus reached out toward him and slid his palm against his cheek. The unexpectedly fond gesture made Xehanort jump, made him unconsciously pull away.

“What'd you see this time?” Eraqus asked, leaning close to him with a curious expression.

“The same as usual,” he said, turning to stare out the window. “You weren't there.”

“That couldn't be right,” Eraqus said insistently. He moved even closer, moving his hand to Xehanort's shoulder to ensure his attention. When their eyes met, his lips widened into a smile. “You can't get rid of me. I'll always be there for you in the end. You'll see.”

Xehanort glanced at the hand on his shoulder. His fingertips twitched on the windowsill. Moving his hand took herculean effort, as if even doing that much was an action prohibited by destiny. When he touched the back of Eraqus's hand, he smiled, feeling a great sense of accomplishment for something so small.

“You're a good friend, Eraqus.”

That wasn't right.

It wasn't a lie, but. To him, Eraqus was a lot more than that.

But he already knew that even the strongest of his feelings wouldn't have been enough to change the future he'd seen. Those feelings were bound to die inside him. Clearly, if he'd ever managed to express them properly, then things would have been different. He might not have become so bitter and hurtful if he'd kept Eraqus by his side.

With great disappointment, understanding that his sense of accomplishment was mere nonsense, Xehanort let go of his hand and returned his gaze blankly to the distance beyond the window.

“I wonder what happened to my older self... He must have gone on ahead. He probably couldn't accomplish what he wanted. I could tell – those children were going to stop him. He wasn't as strong as their determination.”

“See?”

Xehanort turned back to look at him, confused.

“Our game,” Eraqus said. “Another win for me.”

Xehanort smiled weakly, unable to put his heart into it.

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“You've gotten better at accepting defeat, too.”

“Have I? Dunno how I feel about that...” It didn't feel right to agree with him, even if it was true. That just didn't seem like something to be happy about. “I wonder if anything would've changed if he succeeded...”

Crossing his arms over his chest, leaning against the frame of the window, Eraqus hummed thoughtfully to himself. “Maybe things always turn out the same because you keep trying so hard.”

“What about you?” Xehanort asked, looking at him.

“I don't think it's up to me, but... If I had it my way, I'd probably always let you win.”

“Dunno how I feel about that, either... Are you looking down on me?”

“Not in the slightest,” Eraqus said, sitting up straight. “You're an admirable adversary. I always take you seriously.”

His eyes looked so clear. For a second, Xehanort felt like he was looking into the eyes of destiny itself. He felt like he was being challenged.

 

There was only one wish within his heart, stronger than any other.

He wanted to be there. With him.

He wanted their games to continue forever.

 

It was like destiny knew.

It allowed his wish, but only at the cost of their happiness. It let him keep repeating that precious day, and he repeated it over and over with the same smile until he began to notice how it hurt. The mere fact that the bad things hadn't happened yet wasn't enough to distract him from the evermore apparent fact that they would eventually, invariably.

He didn't know what would happen if he tried to interrupt destiny. In his heart, he had the feeling that he must have tried to leap from that sill at least once or twice, but he couldn't even remember as much, his attempts wiped from time and memory. Destiny wouldn't even let him die before it said he could.

 

What else was there for them to do?

 

He'd gotten better at accepting defeat...

 

“Shall we play another game?” Xehanort asked.

He got up and retrieved the board from the table.

Before he sat down with it, Eraqus reached out and put a hand over one of his to stop him from setting the board down.

Eraqus caught his eyes. The expression he wore looked somewhat serious.

 

“Isn't there something else you'd like to do more?” he asked.

 

The challenge was still there. It was grabbing hold of him.

But... He wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond to that challenge. In his heart, he already understood, but he pushed the thought away and didn't consider it any further. It wasn't an option. That wasn't how their destiny was supposed to play out. No matter what, he knew that he couldn't say the things he was bound to forget. The words were already as good as gone.

The fingertips touching the back of his hand felt so warm, though. They were warmer than anything he'd ever felt. They dared him to climb over the boundary that had been standing between him and Eraqus for as long as they would live. But, as desperately as he wanted to take that hand and follow him wherever it would take him, it was too difficult to go against what was written. As he tried to make his body move, it felt as though the world itself were trying to pull him back on course, unwilling to let him escape.

He'd seen numerous futures – all somewhat different in construct, the same in conclusion.

There was something he wanted to do more than to play another game. He was just settling for second best.

 

Disappointment slowly wilted the smile on Eraqus's face.

Xehanort hated to see it go.

 

“Never mind. It's alright,” Eraqus said, lowering his eyes. His hand slipped away, and Xehanort was unable to catch it.

Despite himself, he really couldn't do it. His hands shook, threatening to drop the board on the floor. That might not have been so bad... He kind of wanted everything to break. That sounded okay.

As his thoughts stayed distracted, Eraqus stood up from the sill. He brushed his hands over the front of his clothes, then he took the board from Xehanort's hands and returned it to the table. All the while, Xehanort watched him, wondering what he was doing. When Eraqus returned, he took one of Xehanort's hands and began pulling him toward the door wordlessly.

He couldn't stand there forever. His feet began to follow him automatically.

The sight of the back of his shoulders and the hand around his wrist... Xehanort got the feeling he wouldn't forget those things.

 

It wasn't until they were outside, walking down the stairs outside the tower, that he found his voice.

“What are you doing? Where are we going?”

Eraqus just looked over his shoulder and gave him an ambiguous smile. It seemed to carry a hint of sadness.

“Oh, don't tell me you've lost your sense of wonder? You may have forfeited this round, but I haven't.” He squeezed his wrist. It was a reassuring feeling. “I just feel like trying something different. I want to do something unlike me.”

He tugged on his wrist a little more insistently and Xehanort seemed to have no choice but to keep following. He didn't know exactly what Eraqus thought he was doing, but... It didn't really matter. For the first time in a long time, a little bit of nonsense felt like just the thing they needed. In the end, it wouldn't matter, but that didn't matter, either.

Because, the sight in front of him... That one moment deserved to be an eternity of its own.

Strength filled him more with each step toward the water. Feeling the warmth of the sun on his skin, the breeze in his hair, Xehanort was reminded of his previous life – the one he decided to abandon. That island still had to be there, but he doubted he would ever see it again.

He wished he could take Eraqus there. Even though he left it, he wanted to show him the place where he grew up. It was pretty small and boring, but he had the feeling Eraqus would have liked it there.

 

Once they reached the plaza, Eraqus let go of his wrist. He walked a little farther, going up to the metal railings that separated them from the water. Putting his hands on the railing, he leaned over, peering down into the water.

Xehanort came up beside him and looked over to see what he was looking at.

It was just his reflection.

“I wonder if there's another me down there, too,” he said.

“Hm?”

“What, hasn't the Master told you about it? There's a whole other town under the water, on the other side of everything. You can see it from the surface. It's not just a reflection.” He overlapped one arm over the other and leaned against the railing, resting his chin on his folded arms. “I don't know what it means, but it's kind of romantic, isn't it? There have to be so many things we don't know.”

He had a point.

Xehanort couldn't remember ever being told about that. It made him wonder if his older self had known about it before. Would he have always learned about that from Eraqus? He didn't know what it meant either, but it felt like something important.

To have such a large mystery right under their feet... What else was hiding from them? What else didn't he know?

“Hey,” Eraqus said, beckoning to him. “Come closer.”

He was already pretty close, standing right next to him.

There was no harm in it, he figured...

So he moved a little closer and leaned against the railing in the same way. When he turned to look at Eraqus, he suddenly found him much closer, his face hardly an inch away. Xehanort felt his face instantly became hot and his heart stopped, immobilized by Eraqus's proximity.

Eraqus was too kind – he gave him more than ample opportunity to break away if he'd wanted.

Xehanort let it happen. He wouldn't have had the strength to do it himself.

As Eraqus closed his eyes and pressed their lips together, Xehanort kept his eyes open and watched his earnest face. Unconsciously, his lips twitched into a smile against Eraqus's. He looked so serious, like he was concentrating deeply – the same way he looked when they played games together. It must have taken him a lot of effort to make that move...

Knowing that the moment wouldn't last, Xehanort closed his eyes and returned the kiss. At that point, hesitance would have been nothing but pointless self-consciousness. There was no reason to hold on to it.

His heart ached. It burned.

He wanted that moment with Eraqus to stay. He didn't want everything to slip away. Even if it was an unallowable paradox, he wanted it to survive into the future.

Eraqus circled his arms around his shoulders and held him tightly, as if he were trying to keep them there.

When Xehanort opened his eyes, Eraqus was still there, but he knew that it wouldn't be for long. Seeing the red in his cheeks, the regret and sadness in his smile... It made him love him more. And, as their feelings crystallized, the moment was already fading. Time hastened to erase their progress.

 

Eraqus touched his cheek.

Xehanort held the back of his hand.

 

It figured.

Only once they were past the point of no return, he was finally able...

 

“I already noticed how you felt about me,” Eraqus said. “Did you know my feelings? You didn't... did you?” He laughed a little. “I should be the one apologizing this time. This world is going to come to a close now, isn't it? Sorry... I just wanted you to know. I really wanted to see the look on your face.”

“It was worth it. That was what I really wanted, too. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you how I felt.” Xehanort sighed sadly. “I guess I never will.”

They probably weren't going to remember anything from that moment. Things that contradicted destiny were destined to be forgotten.

“See you,” Eraqus said.

“Yeah. Let's do this again sometime.”

“We will. I'll get you when your guard's down. You better look forward to it.”

While he still could, Xehanort leaned in and kissed him again.

 

Maybe, the next time, he would be able to kiss him first.

**Author's Note:**

> “You always wake up with this big smile on your face,” Eraqus said, observing him from the other corner of the windowsill.
> 
> Xehanort's smile widened.
> 
> “That's because it's today again.”


End file.
